re-newing the gratitude list

months ago I was posting a list of ten things to be grateful for every week.

Sometimes it was simple stuff, like oatmeal cookies.

Sometimes I tried to be profound.

I got lazy after a while and stopped posting those lists.

Well today, in the face of my husband losing his job to the concept of “reductions in force” I thought it might be a good time to dust that gratitude list idea off, and bring it back to my blog.

1. Money not spent – Saturday we looked at a phone upgrade, but decided to hold off because a better one for our “needs” was coming out in a few weeks. Now we are very glad that we didn’t spend the money.

2. Money not spent (part 2) - I have been bugging my husband to buy our plane tickets for an upcoming wedding in October and a Christian Women’s event I want to go to in January. He had put it off one more week…and here again, we are very glad because that money will be needed to pull us through. I still desperately want to go, but I’m gonna have to trust God that if HE wants us to go, He will make it happen.

3. Scripture – Monday morning, before we knew anything was going to happen, I choose (or the Holy Spirit chose for me?) a memory verse for the next two weeks: Exodus 33:18 “Lord I pray thee, show me your glory”

4. Health - We are all healthy. When I think of all the things that could have gone wrong in our lives, when I think of families out there who only have one income…..I am so grateful that nothing worse happened to us.

5. Friends – people have been very supportive. Some folks I was expecting, and others that I wasn’t. It’s a nice suprise when people tell you they care.

6. Sense of humor – Martin has an amazing sense of humor. He has been constantly engaged in cheering me up. He even invented a game while we were snuggled down, each reading a separate book, that you have to kiss your partner in order to start a new chapter. My husband is so silly, and sweet.

7. Songs from the past – Monday morning I put in a CD that I haven’t heard in years. Twila Paris’s “The Warrior is a Child” It blessed me Monday. But it blessed me even more today when I had to drive to work on my own, without my best friend, my Martin, in the car.

the drive this morning was hard. Martin has been there with me (since we worked at the same campus) for the commute for over five years. That’s almost 4000 hours of relating, talking, singing, devotions, and just plain old enjoying eachother’s company.

This is where depression kicks in for me. I’m a people person. and Martin is one of my favorite peoples.

Still……I’m saying all the right things.

“yes, we are gonna be fine”

“God will provide”

“God is good, even in this.”

and I do mean them.

but I occasionally feel sorry for myself. Which is wrong. And it is why I’m writting this list of things to be grateful for. To try to re-adjust my brain.

Please be in prayer for a teenaged friend of ours. She was tree climbing and fell from about three stories up. She has had one surgery already and many more are in future. Pray for her family. Her name is Caitlin. She is in high school.

which goes a long way to putting my “situation” in perspective. So many worse things could be happening in my life than to have a husband who has to stay home for a week or two and find a different job.

So Thank you Lord. And please lay your healing hands on Cait and wrap your comforting arms around her family.

amen.

sometimes God freaks me out

God is in the details.
This was first posted on my regular blog back in July of 2008.

A recent post on the Living Proof Ministries blog got me thinking about it again and how marvelously God worked out so many details that lead us to Ginny (our adopted daughter who is about to turn one year old this month). There were many many details, but this is the one that just gives me goose bumps. Every. time.
Read on. and enjoy.

"sometimes God freaks me out"

Like this weekend for instance.

Ya’ll all know that we had an adoption match that “went south”

The birth-parents went AWOL, we found out the extended family didn’t support the adoption, all kinds of stuff happened to ensure that the match was one that we would walk away from.

But through all that happened last weekend we came away from it with an absolute conviction of the integrity of our Kansas agency and we made some incredible friends. God is good.

But not only is God good, His timing is…..well downright spooky.

Our first match fell through on Monday, July 7th. The point at which we knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that things had gone horribly wrong is when our birth mom didn’t show up for her scheduled sonogram. We were there, at the doctor’s office, with the agent, waiting. hoping against hope that they would show, but they didn’t. That appointment was for 9:30 a.m. Monday, July 7th. (remember that date and time, okay?)

We came home to Georgia. We cried. We prayed. we sent out the disappointing news via email. We praised God for His plan that we knew was going to be good, no matter how disappointed we were at that moment.

The very next day, Tuesday, we got a call about a another couple. This one was 30 weeks along. Healthy, married, 23 yrs old, blonde………..And then came THE QUESTION:

Do you want to talk to her?

Well…….Yes, of course. And also …….. no. We were scared. What if this was too soon? Were we grasping at straws? hooking up with the first thing that comes along? Is it like re-bound from a boy friend breakup? do you need to wait?

and then sense re-asserted itself. NO, there is nothing holy about waiting. And if God is in charge (and we believe that HE is) then HE was the one that placed this couple in our path, so we should talk to them.

We got the dossier/file, did the conference call, and we really got along well. It helped that all four of us are into the same obscure sport: Disc Golf (which I have posted about here before). The guys are more into it than we girls are, but that’s okay. Mel and I had other things to talk about (and before anybody goes off the deep end on me, yes, we have her permission to use their names, they call themselves the birth-parents and they are already calling the baby “your baby” and calling her by the name we have picked out) .

We went out to Kansas to see them and really had a wonderful time together. If we could, we would adopt Steve and Mel along with their baby. These two are really motivated and active and honest. They even refused gifts that we wanted to give them, which is very different from the last couple let me tell you.

So we are matched again !!!!! We have met and loved the birth-parents. We have rubbed (at her request) her beautiful pregnant belly, and we are all holding our breath hoping her little girl stays in there for the full term (just nine more weeks to go ya’ll!)

Here’s a photo of us with Steve & Mel from this weekend:

Deirdre, Martin, Mel(and Ginny), Steve

Isn’t God just amazing?

Now here’s the spooky weird part. The EXACT time that our first couple was supposed to be getting their sonogram………..

Is the SAME DAY AND TIME that MEL was having her sonogram.

9:30 a.m. Central Time, July 7th, 2008

Like I said, sometimes God just freaks me out!

the 24/7 bible study

My friend Missy just posted a series about Bible studies. About how she has been trained to lead them properly and how frustrating is it to sit in a study that someone else is leading and have thoughts flitting through her head like "I would be keeping this discussion on track" But the point of Missy's post is not to rant about how she could do it better, but to eventually discuss how God used that train of thought (and a few others) to point her to a basic truth of parenting:

You (the parent) ARE the Bible study for your kids.

Not that you train them up using scripture (though that is wonderful), but that you LIVE OUT LOUD the life that becomes the gospel to your kids.

Go read her posts. then come back here and we can move forward.

We can all do better at this. If we teach our kids about caring for others and loving the poor, we can also SHOW them by openly supporting ministries like Compassion International.

If we want our children to not worship the material version of Christmas we can establish homes where presents are given to Jesus by each member of the household and food is delivered by the family to others in need. (or other methods are used to point our children to Christ as the significance of Christmas)

BUT. We are human. Ultimately our efforts will fall flat, our energies will flag, our tempers will fray. It's a 24/7 job for goodness sake. There is no down time!

except....your quiet time.

now this is where I'm gonna start preaching at myself

I have tended to look at quiet time as...I'll admit it...something to squeeze in where ever I can and the first thing to get sluffed off the list if timing gets tight.

Never mind what that says to my child as she watches me, stop a minute and think what that does to my sanity.

If my life is what Ginny "reads" ....

If my life is to become the gospel for her.....

I NEED a break to be with God.

I need time to pour out my heart to the ONLY BEING who could EVER bear up under that kind of 24/7 pressure.

How much do most of us mommies look forward to locking ourselves in the bathroom for a few minutes of privacy? admit it, we long for it. We fantasize about spending just 10 minutes without grubby fingers sticking under the door and endless cries of "mommy! brother is sitting on MY side of the living room again"

Face it. We need God.

It would take a saint to be "ON" for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. And I am NEVER going to be a saint. At least not on my own power.

But God says that I am already a saint. He says that I can do ALL THINGS through Christ who strengthens me. I just have to ask for God's strength. God's patience. Discernment from the Holy Spirit. The tools are all there. I just have to crucify my pride and ask for them.

But I seem to trip up on the whole concept of returning to the throne of grace every morning.

My lazy spirit wants to ask ONCE for this outpouring and have it "stick". Why can't I ask once and it be granted forever? there is nothing wrong with God's grace and provision...it is the instrument (me) that is flawed and makes it essential that I go back to the throne. over and over and over again.

I keep getting in the way of God's work

Lord, help. Help me every morning, every minute, every heartbeat. Help me do more than just give you room to guide me. Help me to just get out of the way and let you LIVE in me. Let you course through my very veins. Inhabit my thoughts. Speak out of my mouth. Shine out from me. Make me invisible Lord. I can not possibly live "good enough" to point Ginny (or anyone else) to you Jesus. So make me invisible. Let her see YOU Lord. Let her see You.

I need to give up

Mark 10: 17 – 27
To Enter God’s Kingdom

17As he(Jesus) went out into the street, a man came running up, greeted him with great reverence, and asked, “Good Teacher, what must I do to get eternal life?”

18-19Jesus said, “Why are you calling me good? No one is good, only God. You know the commandments: Don’t murder, don’t commit adultery, don’t steal, don’t lie, don’t cheat, honor your father and mother.”

20He said, “Teacher, I have—from my youth—kept them all!”

21Jesus looked him hard in the eye—and loved him! He said, “There’s one thing left: Go sell whatever you own and give it to the poor. All your wealth will then be heavenly wealth. And come follow me.”

22The man’s face clouded over. This was the last thing he expected to hear, and he walked off with a heavy heart. He was holding on tight to a lot of things, and not about to let go.

23-25Looking at his disciples, Jesus said, “Do you have any idea how difficult it is for people who ‘have it all’ to enter God’s kingdom?” The disciples couldn’t believe what they were hearing, but Jesus kept on: “You can’t imagine how difficult. I’d say it’s easier for a camel to go through a needle’s eye than for the rich to get into God’s kingdom.”

26That set the disciples back on their heels. “Then who has any chance at all?” they asked.

27Jesus was blunt: “No chance at all if you think you can pull it off by yourself. Every chance in the world if you let God do it.”

We all know this story. and it is traditionally interpreted to mean that we all need to sell everything and follow Christ into poverty.

I see something else here.

The rich young man wanted a checklist to get into heaven. He wanted to know what he could DO. (how often am I like this?) I think Jesus deliberately picked the most impossible thing he could think of. He gave this rich young man the most horrific task He could possibly come up with. He told him, in essence, to give up. To do nothing. To trust in God's deliverance.

Verse 21 says Jesus looked him hard in the eye…..and LOVED him.

Can you imagine the Son of God looking you hard in the eye. Do you think there is any way He could do that and not know everything about you?

I believe that Jesus knew this young man thoroughly in that one instant. He knew his flaws, and all the good intentions. He knew the young man’s struggles and joys. He saw that there was ONE thing lacking (oh for God to tell me that I only lack ONE thing. I’m sure God has a looooong list of improvements that need to be made in my heart)

but what was lacking is NOT that the young man had wealth.

the lack was in the faith department.

He needed to understand. Deep, gut wrenchingly understand that there was

NO POSSIBLE WAY for him to EARN SALVATION

that was the “lack”

The rich young man got set an impossible task because Jesus was hoping that he would see it for what it was: a lesson. Learn that you CAN NOT DO THIS ON YOUR OWN.

I really feel I can almost hear the thoughts running through Jesus head as He waited for the rich young man to understand. to “get it”

“Let go my sweet young man, let go and let ME be GOD in your life. It’s not the riches that have such a hold on you. The thing that has a strangle hold on you is that you still think you can somehow EARN MY LOVE. Didn’t you notice that I loved you on sight?”

and then the heartbreak for Christ as the rich young man, the man with only ONE flaw, walked away. Because he knew he wasn’t good enough. He got half the lesson, the “I can’t accomplish this” part…….but he missed the GLORY of the lesson.

Yes I’m not good enough, I never can be. But God is perfect. and He has offered to do it for me.

God will keep my marriage fresh and lovely. If I trust it to HIM

God will help me in the day to day grind of work. If I trust it to HIM

Jesus will guide my every move in raising Ginny. If I trust it to HIM

there. is. no. check. list.

There is nothing I need do but give it ALL up to God and give Him the glory.

thank you Jesus, for loving me. Even though I have way more than “just one flaw”

never orphaned

Just about everyone who reads my other blog knows by now that my favorite Bible study leader is Beth Moore.

As I read her blog more and more I am finding that I really enjoy the insights and posts from her daughters as well.

This one in particular from Melissa (who lives here in Atlanta by the way) just blew me away.

click here to read it.

I'll wait.

back already?

good isn't it?

I saw the Harry Potter premier last night, got an hour and half of sleep and now I'm at work. My brain is a disorganized, sleepy jumble. So if this comes out wrong, I apologize in advance.

I want to take exception to what this post says about Adoption. Yes I think I know the point being made about God's adoption of us is far more profound than adoption through a human agency can ever be. The phrasing could have used a little bit of work though as the wording (inadvertently I'm sure) makes it sounds like human adoption is "merely paperwork"

Nothing could have been farther from the truth for me. The moment we saw Ginny in the hospital...wow.

If I try to describe it I can only come up with hackneyed phrases. Things that will make any creative writer cringe.

"felt a shock all the way to the tips of my fingers"

"flooded with love"

"overwhelmed by joy and a strong desire to cry at the same time"

"shaken"

"stopped in my tracks"

"utterly in love at first sight"

and let me tell you there was not much to see. she was just a little face sticking out of a bundle of blankets. I didn't know her yet. No personality traits had been displayed. But in that instant...

Ginny was instantly real and utterly loved.

The gift that her birth parents have given us is overwhelming. The trust, the risk just blows my mind sometimes.

I do get what Melissa is saying, but based on my personal experience there is nothing "merely" about our adoption experience.

Still, I thank God that He has adopted me (and everyone who accepts His love) in a manner that transcends my understanding. No matter how much I love Ginny, Jesus loves her more. And He loves me more.

And neither of us will ever be orphaned.

know what you are about

I don't do this often, but you need to go over and read the post over at "A Holy Experience"
today. Don't worry if it doesn't make sense at first. It will by the end.
It will by the end.

hug some bunny

Like most kids growing up, I loved visiting my uncles and aunts. Not really to hang out with the adults, but to play with my cousins.

There was this one cousin who was not my age, but I really liked her. I think I was about 10 or 11 at the time and Laura Ann was 2 or 3. So it’s not like we played at my level. We didn’t climb trees or ride bikes. Whenever we visited, Laura Ann and I had endless tea parties and played make-believe with stuffed animals (All with names of course. It was very important to get the names right). wow, that child had a LOT of stuffed animals and toys. It never really occurred to me to ask why she had all this stuff. I guess I just figured they had more money than we did.

Laura Ann was a very sunny child. Cheerful and sweet, gentle and so much fun to play with.

My parents lived about 3 hours away from her parents so we didn’t see them all the time, but I do remember loving it whenever we got to visit. The house was one of those big, old 1920’s era stone structures on a quiet street in the suburbs of Birmingham. I adored the high ceilings and hardwood floors.

When I was about 12 or 13 I remember being really mad at my mom and dad because they were preparing for a trip to Birmingham to see Laura Ann’s family and they wouldn’t take me and my little brother along. I couldn’t understand why we couldn’t come too.

Finally, to shut me up I think, my mom told me that Laura Ann was sick. Really sick. Something called leukemia. That’s why they couldn’t take me with them.

“Was it catching? is that why I can’t go?”

“No honey, it’s just that we are gonna be spending our time taking care of your Uncle and Aunt and we need to be available to help them.”

So Steve & I stayed at a family friend’s house and had a grand time in their HUGE rec-room all weekend while my mother and daddy went off to sing at Laura Ann’s funeral. I don’t remember knowing anything about Laura Ann dying until my mother got home and handed me one of Laura Ann’s stuffed toys.

Later I found out that just before her final hospital stay this tiny little, cheerful 4 year-old had gone around her playroom pointing to her toys and naming off names of friends and relatives. Her poor confused daddy followed her around the room and his breaking heart thought that Laura Ann was confused about the names of her toys. But gradually it dawned on him that she still knew the names of each toy, she was telling him WHO she wanted to give each toy TO.

Laura Ann had been told that she was going to the hospital again and that this time she might be coming home or she might go to see Jesus. And she understood. She wanted her toys to be taken care of so she made the child’s equivalent of a will the only way she knew how: She took her daddy round and round her play room naming off the final destination of each toy till he got it right.

As a child I marveled at her unselfishness. As an adult my heart just breaks for her daddy. What must it have cost him to memorize that list?

Laura Ann has, almost my whole life, remained the perfect example of childlike faith and trust in God. And acceptance of HIS goodness.

God please help me be like her.

I got a bunny by the way. It’s named Laura Ann. I hope she didn’t mind my changing the name.