christmas hats

okay, we got the Santa photos done, now on to the rest of Christmas.

first off Christmas Eve was great. My church does four services.

• a 4:00 kids service (usually a drama or something that kids will love)
• a 5:30 traditional with candle-lighting, choirs, advent wreath, etc
• a 7:00 contemporary
• and an 11:00 traditional.

Martin had to be available to work the 5:30 and the 11:00. Now I knew we weren't going to keep Ginny up till the 11:00 service, even though that one is my favorite, so we planned to go to the 5:30 with the whole family (including my parents, my niece and hopefully my brother). It turned out to be just myself, Martin and Ginny, but we ran into some friends and ended up sitting with them. The service was lovely, Ginny enjoyed the candle lighting very much - even though I wouldn't let her touch the flame.

The "O Holy Night" solo was done by our assistant choir director Blair Brawner and it was gorgeous. It wasn't as technically perfect as some I have heard, but it was beautiful. Even the one time her voice broke...it just made it more of a human sharing moment rather than a performance.

the real highlight for me came after the service was over. You see I had to go up to our pastor and apologize. For wearing a Santa hat all during the service.

??? Why was I wearing a Santa hat to a church service when I don't believe in Santa?

Well I was wearing it initially because I was just being silly. Martin wears his a lot, and Ginny looked so cute in hers, so I was wearing mine to fit in with my silly family.

But then, on the way into the sanctuary, I passed by one of the outer doors, the one right next to the "hats, mittens & scarves tree" This is a 9 foot tall Christmas tree that the members of our church decorate with brand new hats, mittens and scarves all through out the holiday season.

As I was passing that entrance a blast of cold air hit me. Really cold air.

I turned around.

there coming in the door was a woman and three kids.

all in shirt sleeves.

I smiled and said "Hi! Welcome!"

She smiled back, glanced at my hat and then at the tree.

"Do you know how we could get a hat or a coat for my kids?"

At which point I realized that I didn't have a clue how those hats, mittens & scarves were going to be distributed. They disappear every year after Christmas, but I had no idea where they went. To the Co-op? To a shelter? I had no clue.

"Tell you what, I'll find out how we can get you some of those hats and stuff. I know just who to ask, okay?" I said.

"How will I find you?" she asked, as people jostled us apart.

without missing a beat I said "I'm probably the only person in that sanctuary wearing a Santa hat. I won't take it off till you find me again and I promise I'll have an answer for you"

So I asked around, and finally the pastor told me "you just march her right up to that tree and let her have whatever she needs."

Well thanks to the Santa hat, we re-connected after the service and as I was walking her and the kids to the tree I figured I should make conversation...so I asked

"Have you ever been here before?"

"Well no, not to a service." she said "But we come to your Journey to Bethlehem thing every year, so I knew you were nice people"

wow.

That was worth every weird look I got for wearing the Santa hat during the service, and every time I have had to explain to my boss why I need those days in December off every year to put up sets and then take them down again. Not to mention all the rehearsals.

So thank you to the people at SUMC who gave hats, mittens and scarves. And to all the folks who work hard to make Journey a reality each year - it is worth it. We are reaching people. People who sometimes need hats.

and I dare say, that is a fitting way to celebrate the birth of the Savior.

Merry Christmas.

all i want for christmas.....

My memory verse for these last two weeks of 2009 is this -

One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek Him in His temple.

Psalm 27:4

Not a terribly Christmas-y verse is it?

But for me, right now…it works.

See my body has this horrendous habit of getting sick right around the holidays. Sometime in late November or early December I almost invariably come down with a cold, the cold sinks into my lungs and I spend the next two months hacking, sometimes losing my voice, but mostly sounding like I belong in a ward full of consumptives and tuberculosis patients.

This is very very frustrating for someone whose primary avenue of worship is, and has always been, song. Singing to God is my highest joy. Most years, when this sickness hits me I tend to get very angry and frustrated and depressed. This year, thanks to a song and this particular bible verse I’ve got a different outlook.

There is a song on Travis Cottrell’s album “Found” that is called “Rest” One of the verses goes like this –

Cure my heart of chasing whirlwinds

Of needing earth to quake

Of wrestling made up angels to keep myself awake

Oh bid my restless wandering heart

To find its hope in you

In stillness know that you are God

In rest…….

You make me new.

I’ve spent a lot of time this season just letting various songs wash over me. There is a different message that can be found when I am not spending so much time physically participating but instead participating by listening. That seems like such a simple thing to say, but for me it has been a hard thing to learn. In years past my silence has been that of an actively frustrated bystander. Now I choose to deliberately immerse myself in the flood of words and music.

Its kinda of the difference between swimming with the current or being a leaf that the current is moving. The leaf puts in no effort, but is still moved.

I used to think that if I couldn’t participate in the music that I wouldn’t be moved by it.

I am learning differently this year.

thank you jesus

Most of you know that I read the LivingProof Ministries blog. Well Beth asked a very interesting question over there and I realized I needed to post my answer here as well.

She asked-

What are you grateful for that you NEVER thought you would

be grateful for?

Well. That one got me thinking. The usual stuff is easy - health, home, family, Jesus. All the pat answers. Don't get me wrong, nothing wrong with being grateful for those things. But what in my life that could be viewed as a negative could I turn on it's head and view as something to be grateful for?

In years past? it would be my infertility that led us to Ginny. Never in a thousand lifetimes would I trade. Ginny has been a hugs blessing. I can never thank God enough.

But what has happened this year? 2009....Alright. The thing I never thought I'd be thankful for in 2009 is that my husband lost his job in August. August 4th as a matter of fact. On my mother's birthday.

I was so sour about it at first. He was my Bible study partner on the way to and from work for 5 years. We loved our commute together. So I was seriously bummed when that ended. I said all the right things. "God will take care of us." "It will be okay" and I meant them. But deep inside, even while I knew God would take care of us, I was resentful. And to be honest, I kinda of imagined that God taking care of us would mean us scraping by on ramen noodles andfinding ways to cut corners on everything.

I envisioned a life of constant restriction. Nothing extra to enable us to help others. No joy. Just getting by.

Apparently that is not what God had in mind.

This has been a blessed 4 months. First, to hear my man say that he wanted to continue his tithe through the end of this 2009 AS IF HE STILL HAD HIS JOB. Wow. I don't know how to be grateful enough to God for sending me Martin. When I think of the background we both come from. The sin, the darkness of our past........and now to see Martin , how much he really does love God, and know that he is the real spiritual head of my house. That in itself is a blessing.

We have also grown in our relationship. Our relationship had gotten lazy. We depended on that commute to keep us connected. We had to learn all over again to find (or MAKE) time for each other.

Martin has gotten to spend lots of time with our baby girl, so that has been good. Ginny is so precious and I'm glad that at least one of us is getting to spend extended amounts of time with her.

Also Martin and other members of my family have been sick and needed lots of time and care this fall. If he had still had a job they likely would have had to let him go because of all the family emergencies we went through. We never had to face that though.

God sent a job opportunity to Martin that he never would have been able to take on if he had been bogged down with his old job.

So spiritual growth, learning, new patterns, time with family......But then there is the financial stuff.

Finances. The big bug-bear. The nightmare of all who are "downsized" in this economy. God has sent us a clear message that we are not to worry. There have been two (not one, but TWO) out of the blue, un-asked for, financial gifts to our family that will, are you ready for this? enable us to continue our tithe all the way to the end of 2010 as if Martin still had his old job. And it wasn't even a question of "if" when the checks came. It was the first thing on Martin's heart and mind. The tithe.

Wow. After all I have been through in my life and put others through, to finally be married to a real Christian MAN OF GOD is just blessing me right down to the tips of my boots.

so there you go. I'm thankful that my husband lost his job.

surrender

Recently my pastor, Dr. Richard Hunter, posted a piece on feeling inadequate.

I wanted to add something to this. Richard, if we were adequate, we would have no need of God.

Lord, I need thee EVERY HOUR. Not just when I acknowledge my overwhelmed-ness, but every hour. Not just when I feel like I can't do this on my own, but every single moment. There is a blessed security in completely surrendering to the fact that God is in charge. Much like when my beautiful baby girl relaxes into my arms.

Ginny can’t spend all her time in my arms. She has to learn to do things on her own. She will eventually grow into a competent adult. But even a competent adult is not enough to stand up against the horrors of this world. Somehow, I need to teach her (and myself) to continually surrender to God. Let Him be in charge. Let Him lift us over the things we know we can’t get over AND over the rough places that we think we could handle on our own.

There is a sweetness in surrender, a peace, an uplifting joy that comes from really knowing that God is in charge. Not in a dictatorial sense, but in a protective, sheltering, loving sense. I don’t see His arms around me as shackles that are keeping me from running free. Instead I see those loving arms like the strong arms of a mommy (or daddy) holding me close because He loves me and enjoys my very presence.

The same way that I can’t get enough of hugging Ginny….God feels even more about me….and you. Don’t believe me? Think I’m off my rocker? Okay. He SAYS so. God’s own words:

Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name: you are Mine.
Isaiah 43:1b

How great is the love the Father has lavished on us,
that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!
1 John 3:1a

the LORD delights in those who fear* him,
who put their hope in his unfailing love.
Psalm 147:11
(*to me this use of the word “fear” translates as respect)

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.
I John 3: 16

How much would I do for someone who loves me this much? Anything LORD. Anything. No more holding back. I surrender. All.

turn the light on!

Are you walking into a dark room?

Turn the light on!

And if you don’t turn it on, don’t ask for sympathy when you stub a toe on the chair leg.

Are you at a dark campsite?

Turn the flashlight on!

And if you don’t turn it on, don’t cry for sympathy after you fall in a hole.

Do you have any sympathy for the person who fails to turn on a light when they had every opportunity to just flip the switch? Or aim the flashlight and hit the ON button?

I don’t. The light is there, just waiting to be used.

I wish so much that that applied to my daily life. Why do I blunder into situations where my mouth gets me in trouble? Or my temper goes off and leaves me needing to beg forgiveness. Or I do something silly or stupid in a moment of thoughtlessness….

Why doesn’t God stop me from doing those things? Why can’t He show me how to not do them? Couldn’t he intervene? Shouldn’t He make my throat close up, or something so that I don’t say those silly, hurtful things?

No. That would be to take away my free will.

But, I’m ASKING you to do this to me God. Please stop me from blundering around and stupidly hurting people. Why can’t you make it so I can see the problems before they leap up and ambush me? I feel like I’m blundering through life in the dark!

Then, I looked again at my verse for today

“Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path”
Psalm 119:105

Oh.

Right. The light IS there. It is right there in God’s word. But I have to take the time and effectively hit the ON switch. I need to study His words continually so that His words light my way. Even if I don’t know the exact verse that God might choose to guide me at any particular moment, that is what the Holy Spirit is for – to guide us out of those dark moments.

Am I thinking that Satan is attacking me every moment? No. I don’t need to be paranoid. I have enough personal darkness to more than do the job of swamping my heart and soul on a daily basis. I am filled with things I know God wants me to weed out – jealousy, pride, insecurity. Weeds I would be far better off without. It’s a process. *sigh*

So maybe next time I find myself fuming over something and composing a scathing email or with a callous word on the tip of my tongue, I need to recognize that as a moment of personal darkness and turn on the light. Even if I do nothing more than sincerely ask God for His help in that moment, at least I will have given Him a moment to change my heart….and maybe keep me out of a hole.

sunday roast is in the oven

Acts 16: 22 – 26

²²The crowd joined in the attack against Paul and Silas, and the magistrates ordered them to be stripped and beaten. ²³After they had been severely flogged, they were thrown into prison, and the jailer was commanded to guard them carefully. ²⁴Upon receiving such orders, he put them in the inner cell and fastened their feet in the stocks.

²⁵About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening to them. ²⁶Suddenly there was such a violent earthquake that the foundations of the prison were shaken. At once all the prison doors flew open, and everybody's chains came loose.

When this passage is talked about or preached about people tend to concentrate on the moment that the chains fell off. I want to point out something different.

Paul and Silas had been attacked. I am certain that right before and during the attack they prayed to God for deliverance. And in that moment, it looked to them like God didn’t answer.

Paul and Silas were stripped of their clothes. I am sure they asked God to spare them. Being without clothes in front of a jeering crowd is a horrific thought. But in that moment, God let it happen.

Paul and Silas were beaten. I am positive that they begged God to still the hands of the person holding the whip. To change the heart of the magistrate who had ordered this. But in that moment, from their perspective, God did not answer. He allowed the beating to happen.

Paul and Silas were thrown into prison. I need no one to tell me that they were pleading with God in their hearts, and perhaps out loud to deliver them. What possible ministry could they hope to have in a prison? But in that moment, God was still silent.

Paul and Silas lay on the probably filthy floor of that prison. Their skin flayed open, dirt, grit, sweat, blood, and tears all mingling. They were hurting. And the hurt had been going on for hours. At some point they have to have beseeched God “please Lord, if you must leave us in jail, heal our wounds! Then our jailors will see your glory when they come down here and see that you are our Protector!”

Everyone focuses on the deliverance from prison and I too tend to forget that they went through a long process of hate, attack, fear, beatings, and pain. I cannot for one minute believe that the songs that night around midnight were the first time God had heard from Paul and Silas that day. The Sunday school image of a cheerful Paul and Silas with their limbs semi comfortably arranged in chains is just so wrong. They were praying and singing hymns to God the bible says. Do you imagine that they were singing “clap your hands all ye people”? Or something more akin to “the Battle Hymn of the Republic” ???

It would have been so easy for them to cry out to God “You let us down! You let Your enemies attack us, beat us and now you have left us here to rot!” How many times do we go through trials (infertility, joblessness, hate and harassment, ridicule) and when God doesn’t answer the way we were expecting we assume that means that He has abandoned us or that we did something wrong. “Lord, I’ve prayed and prayed and you haven’t delivered me yet!” But what if the reason was so that you could cross paths with someone further down the path? Someone that needs to see you trusting in God.

On the other hand there is only so much we can learn from seeing others trusting God while they suffer. I really think the reason God needs us to stew in a particular problem for a while is that WE OURSELVES need time to learn. Time for the lesson of God’s sovereign care for us and over our lives to sink in. Time for us to, in effect get spiritually tenderized. No roast ever got tender by watching another roast cook. eh?

So it’s time for me to apply this lesson to myself.

No matter how much I learn from reading or hearing about other people’s lives and trials and tribulations, there will be things I can only learn from going through it myself.

I hold up pretty well in emergencies. Quick disasters. High heat, short cook time. Those are no problem for me. It is the long drawn out situations - like infertility, and learning to hold my tongue at work – those are my bugbears. The ones that completely trip me up. The slow cooker situations are the ones that get me in trouble. I’ve always just accepted that I’m not good at them.

Recently I’ve been coming to the conclusion that I don’t have to be good at them. I just have to remember that God IS Good at these long slow drawn out situations and learn to trust Him.

Also it finally hit me that the best way to tenderize my soul is to put it through a long, slow, low heat scenario. The end result is a tender, gorgeous, tantalizing meal. Much better than charred steak.

The scent wafts through the house on a Sunday afternoon…you know what I’m talking about. A portion of beef, potatoes, onions, celery, and carrots. Seasoned just right. The beef was seared this morning, then put in a large pan and seasoned. Vegetables were cut up and tossed in. The whole thing is covered. They have been cooking slowly in your mother’s oven or crock pot the whole time the family was at church. And now the gorgeous aroma fills the house.

I want the aroma of my soul to fill God’s nostrils with that type of scent. Warm, promising, delectable and oh so tender. Just like Paul and Silas.

Simulcast 2009

What a weekend.
Friday night and Saturday morning I had a Beth Moore event to attend. What a blessing. She always rocks my world and gives me loads to think about. But this time felt different. Not sure how yet. Maybe had something to do with how she had us worship with ALL our longings (not just the ones you can tell out loud) out at the feet of Jesus. That part came near to breaking me wide open.
Maybe it was when she looked right at me. I know, it's a simulcast, she couldn't see me really, but God could and he had Beth's eyeballs pointed right at me when she asked if we needed to know that God really did love us personally. I stopped taking notes right there. I'm still near to crying just typing it out. I need to spend more time on that one. anybody got any good verses or insights on how to personally feel and know the love of God is really for you as an individual?

Saturday morning we had more Beth and Travis (thanks for the shout out to Snellville Travis. We screamed really loud when you did that. Could you hear us?)
Oh and we had a lovely breakfast....including a Beth Moore favorite: Moon Pies. Yes, moon pies for breakfast. See? I have photos to prove it:

After being blessed with teaching for a few more hours, I then went home and had a glorious birthday party for my beautiful adopted baby girl who turned one on August 29th.
I'll be posting photos of that event on my other blog soon.