repetition

lately I find myself repeating myself.

alot.

"I love you Ginny. Mommy loves you."

"Ginny, don't touch that honey. Ginny. No. Don't touch that.....Ginny!"

"Come here Ginny. that's right, come here. Ginny. Over here."

At times I wonder if she evens hears me. I think most mothers of toddlers feel this way. The complusion to go have your child's hearing checked is almost too strong to bear.

Then I got in the car this morning.

And thought about the 58 minutes long sermon that I have been listening to over and over and over again for the past week. And how there are still parts of it that I NEED to hear again in order to really process them. To internalize them. To press them into my heart.

And it occurred to me to wonder....does God ever sigh and wonder if I can even hear Him?

"Deirdre, I love you. You are my beloved child. Being filled with My Joy is not an option, it is your right as my child. Did I mention that I love you? Deirdre, God loves you."

Did you know that was hard to type? Some how it is easy for me to say

"God loves me" but actually typing it with my name as part of the sentence (as if it is being said by God to me personally) was more difficult.

Anyway, I plan to revel in repetition this year.

!!!??? what??? you ask. Why would I want to do that? Well, as many of you know I participated in a scripture memory team last year where we memorized one new scripture every two weeks. I know all 24 of mine, but most of them haven't had a chance to sink in yet. I need more time with them. I need to pick out a few and just dwell in them. Study them. Actually pull out a concordance and look up some word origins.

I don't think it does me any good to have a bunch of scriptures banging around in my head if they never make it to my heart.

So this year is going to be about repetition. Going over and over and over these words from God to me till I really live in them. Comfortably. Securely. They need to be so much a part of me that no enemy, no demon of insecurity can rip them out of my grasp. These verses, concepts and truths needs to flow in my veins.

And that can only be achieved, for me anyway, by going over them again and again.

Sometimes spiritually, I think I'm still a toddler..... who is hard of hearing.