Welcome to my blogger page. My professional profile can be found at DeirdreWRussell.wordpress.com and over at LinkedIn.com.
You can also find me at streamofcontinuousness for the fun stuff and fluff....oh and baby pictures.
This blogger page will mostly be devotionals and meditations on scriptures. I'm not promising to be serious here though. I seriously believe that God is Fun.

Enjoy my pages and I hope you come back to visit often.


Tuesday, December 14, 2010

because i promised

I recently got a message from a friend who reminded me that I hadn't posted on the blog in a while.

That same day I had submitted my written testimony as part of a job application to a Mission organization that I really would love to work for. In the process of writing the testimony, I handed it to my pastor to see if he had any edits or suggestions.

He handed it back to me and to my utter shock said this

"Don't change a word. Oh, and I want you to read this during my sermon this Sunday"

Can you spell shock? or how about flabbergasted? that's a good one.

So I did it. I read it in church. My husband says it went over really well. I wouldn't know. The whole experience is somewhat of a blank to me. Something about the dark room and that spotlight just erased my brain I think. Anyway, here is the written version.

Streams of Mercy, Never Ceasing…..
As a Christian child, I loved the Jesus of Sunday school and songs, but my faith had no depth, so my adult choices resulted in two failed marriages. At my lowest point I was living in a sinful situation, with no repentance or desire for God. I thought God was all about “no” and rules. Eventually my wrong thinking took me somewhere I had never planned to go. Friends and family alike were fed up with my continuing disasters. My life was a mess, and it was my fault.

I was alone.

God then poured out His mercy on me through one friend - Barbara. She made it clear that she deplored my choices, but Barbara also made it clear and that she, and God, loved me. And she set out to prove it. After unsuccessfully inviting me to church many times, Barbara decided to kidnap me. Every Sunday she got her family up early, drove to my home, rousted me out of bed, and took me to church. My unwilling ears heard truth at that church.

Sometimes I would come home from work, expecting a silent, lonely house and I would find instead a home full of Barbara’s family. The kids were happy to see me, dinner was on the stove and I had a family to eat it with. We would read, talk, and fellowship. My hardened heart saw love made tangible.

Because of Barbara’s deliberate ministry to me I began to want to know God. I finally read the Bible, and found out about a God beyond Sunday school songs. A God that wants an intimate relationship with me. That still blesses me with fresh meaning every day.

My life still has highs and lows, but every day I learn more ways to praise my redeemer. These days my husband and I host a Bible study in our home, I write devotionals, volunteer in our church, and I’m currently learning the inductive method of Bible study. Martin works for our church and we have a beautiful daughter through the blessing of adoption. My Lord has bound my wandering heart to Him through more goodness, blessings and merciful moments than I can count. Streams of Mercy, Never Ceasing. Here, I raise my Ebenezer indeed.


Monday, September 20, 2010

of football and fall

It’s Fall.

Football season……

and lately I've been thinking a lot about a particular piece of football equipment.

the mouth guard.

Intellectually I knew that mouth guards affected speech and I always felt sorry for the guys on the football field trying to speak and to understand each other with those things in their mouths. It is a familiar sight to see a quarterback take the mouth guard out, call the play, and then put the mouth guard back in before the snap. Anyone who watches football has seen that happen.

But just how much a mouth guard affects your speech never really sunk in for me till this past week.

I have had to start wearing a mouth guard at night.

No, I am not involved in some bizarre night time sporting activity which requires safety gear. But I have been clenching my jaw in my sleep for years and it is starting to have a cumulative effect on my teeth. Initially the dentist was talking about fitting me with an expensive, custom molded mouth guard. Yikes. I don’t have bunches of money right now so the prospect of a custom fitted dental appliance was a bit daunting! But then the hygienist told me a secret.

“couldn’t I just get a football mouth piece?” I joked.

“yup” she said.

Music to my ears!

So the next time I was in Wal-mart I planned to get a football mouth piece. Just for fun I looked in the dental care section first and lo and behold they had a mouth guard of the “boil and bite” variety that was not built for sports, but instead was designed for folks who clench or grind their teeth. Perfect! Just what I needed. For only $20. Yipeee!

Bought it. Took it home. Boiled it. Bit down. I now have a mouth guard molded for my teeth that I can use each night to keep me from clenching my teeth all night in my sleep, Hooray! Okay, actually to be perfectly correct, the mouth guard does NOT keep me from clenching my teeth. It just keeps my inevitable jaw clenching from doing any damage to my teeth.

Aside from keeping me from damaging my own teeth, the mouth guard has had a major side effect though – I have gained a more personal, visceral understanding of just how difficult it is to speak as you normally would with one of these things in your mouth. I have a greater appreciation than ever of football players who can manage to make themselves understood on the field.

And I have also gained a new understanding of Psalm 141:3.

Last year I memorized this verse and I intellectually related it to a football mouth guard as a way of helping me remember the verse.

Set a guard over my mouth oh Lord,
keep watch over the door of my lips.
Psalm 141:3

But I hadn’t really understood just what I was asking God for. I had previously thought of asking God to guard my mouth as essentially me asking God to “stop me from speaking Lord.” But I look at it very differently now. Now that I have actually had a mouth guard in my own mouth I realize that really it is more that

the mouth guard fundamentally distorts your speech.

It’s not that you can’t talk. You can. Reasonably well actually. But the mouth guard profoundly affects everything you say. Your voice sounds a bit different, your pronunciations change, your ability to make any clipped sounds or sharp, crisp cut offs of consonants is gone, and glottal stops are just out the window. Having a mouth guard in even, to a certain extent, affects your breathing mechanics. And to a small extent it changes some facial expressions.

When I think now of asking God to “set a guard in my mouth” and realize that the guard He will place in me is the Holy Spirit, that whole last paragraph takes on spiritual meaning.

With the Holy Spirit in me, my voice should sound different. My pronouncements will change. My ability to be short with people and in my conversation should go away. My every breath should be a prayer. And if God is IN ME, He will affect even my facial expressions.

I Want God to Fundamentally Distort My Speech.

My personal paraphrase of Psalm 141:3 as a prayer now goes something like this -

“Set your Holy Spirit in my very mouth LORD, profoundly affect my every word, make it so that I cannot speak at all without betraying that YOU are in me. Watch over me Lord. Affect my breathing, and my expressions Jesus. If I try to take out your guard so that I can speak in my old sinful selfish way, SEE me Lord and let your Holy Spirit kick me so that I do not take out my mouth guard. Ever.”

It is one of my most frequent prayers these days. Well, other than “Lord, please do something ‘bout dem DAWGS”…………..


Friday, September 10, 2010

well that didn't come out right....

Did’ya ever say one thing…

And your audience heard something else entirely?

Basically it came out completely wrong.

At a recent Beth Moore event I spotted this gorgeous young lady. She was beautiful and dressed beautifully. I thought she must be in the choir or platform party in some way. She looked elegant, fully made-up, hair in an up-do, flowing floor-length dress……at 8 a.m. on a Saturday morning.

She was only a few feet away from me so I caught her eye and said

“wow you sure are dressed beautifully for a Saturday morning!

She looked at me as if she was offended and said “well it’s very comfortable”

And gave me a pinch of her dress to feel.

It was comfy – it was stretch cotton, but you would never know just by looking.

I tried to backpedal, I tried to make her understand that I was ADMIRING her

But the initial phrase had come out wrong (or been wrongly received) and I couldn’t fix it.

The doors to the auditorium opened just after that and we will never see each other again. I don’t even know her name.

It haunts me.

Has that ever happened to you?

Have you ever been on the receiving end of a comment that initially sounded hurtful?

I know I have. There have been plenty of times in my life when someone has said something that I could instantly take as insulting. And usually I do take umbrage far too easily.

Perhaps I should reconsider.

Perhaps they meant well, but it just didn’t come out right.


Wednesday, May 5, 2010

get thee to a closet

tomorrow is National Day of Prayer.

I agree in concept with a day to concentrate on praying for our nation, and our leaders (Mr. Obama certainly needs God's guiding hand on his heart)......


In the midst of spreading the word and reminding people to pray we must be careful of something - the majority of our own prayers should be kept private. I am by no means saying that there is no place for a prayer gathering. Just that we need to be deep-down certain that we are utterly focused on God, not on the humans praying along with us. Stick with me here.

Christ actually said to pray in secret. I believe that this is not because he wants us to hide from men, but rather to keep us from falling to one of the easiest snares for a Christian - spiritual pride. Pride in our own spiritual-ness.

Here are the relevant verses:

5"And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. 6But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. 7And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. 8Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

9"This, then, is how you should pray:
" 'Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
your kingdom come,
your will be done
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
Forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.[a]' 14For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Fa
ther will not forgive your sins.
Matthew 6:5-15

Has someone ever surprised you by asking you to pray in public? what immediately went through your head? did you start worrying about how you were going to sound? will I get too emotional? Will I sound too detached? Will my sentences even make sense? (maybe it's just me that feels like this?)

Worse yet, have you ever known ahead of time that you were going to have to lead a group in prayer? Did you find yourself composing a suitable prayer? (tell me I'm not the only one...)

God wants my whole attention on HIM when I pray. He is the only audience that counts. But Christ knows that I am all too human. He knows that I can't help but worry when I pray out loud with someone else in the room (or many someones), so he suggested a way out. Ironically -to go into a closet.

Do you have a private place that you pray? I don't, but I need to. I usually pray in the car. Private, sort of, but certainly not conducive to concentrating on HIM !

When I was a kid I recall that my dad always prayed in the bathroom. Possibly because it was the only room in the house with a lock on the door....

But I love the idea of a prayer closet. Amy March had one in Little Women. Do you remember?

"Esther fitted up the closet with a little table, placed a footstool before it, and over it a picture taken from one of the shut-up rooms. She thought it was of no great value, but, being appropriate, she borrowed it, well knowing that Madame would never know it, nor care if she did. It was, however, a very valuable copy of one of the famous pictures of the world, and Amy's beauty-loving eyes were never tired of looking up at the sweet face of the Divine Mother, while her tender thoughts of her own were busy at her heart. On the table she laid her little testament and hymnbook, kept a vase always full of the best flowers Laurie brought her, and came every day to `sit alone' thinking good thoughts, and praying the dear God to preserve her sister. Esther had given her a rosary of black beads with a silver cross, but Amy hung it up and did not use it, feeling doubtful as to its fitness for Protestant prayers. The little girl was very sincere in all this, for being left alone outside the safe home nest, she felt the need of some kind hand to hold by so sorely that she instinctively turned to the strong and tender Friend, whose fatherly love most closely surrounds His little children. She missed her mother's help to understand and rule herself, but having been taught where to look, she did her best to find the way and walk in it confidently."

Having a closet, or a space designated as a prayer space in the home would be such a comfort and a great place to have a daily devotional. It might even be a great way to involve a child in private devotions from an early age.

Has anyone else done this? what did you use? a closet? a comfy chair in the corner of a room? was it for anyone in your home? or just one person? I'd love to hear your ideas/feedback.


platform blog

I don't often do this.....don't often ask my readers to participate in a charity drive of any kind. I generally believe that people are best left to pick their own charity that is closest to their heart. The one God has laid on them personally.

My main charity emphasis has always been Compassion International which is a group that matches caring people with an individual child that you can help and correspond with.

But today I got a facebook invite to be a part of a very simple food drive this Saturday, May 8th.


Why should you participate?


Jesus told us to Feed the Poor.

He didn't say "make them fill out an application to see if they are worthy"

He never said "wait to see if they have stopped drinking booze before you feed them"

Christ didn't say "make sure to witness to them as you hand them the food" (on that note, simply FEEDING them IS our witness to them as a demonstration of Grace - unmerited favor)

He never mentioned the concept of "the deserving poor or the UN-deserving poor"

He just said Feed the Hungry.

And actually it wasn't just Christ that said it. This command has been showing up in the Bible since Old Testament times. There are over 300 mentions of how we are to take care of the poor and needy in the Bible.

I'll leave you with two. You can look up the others if you are interested.

John answered, "The man with two tunics should share with him who has none, and the one who has food should do the same."
Luke 3:11

9 Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
"If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
with the pointing finger and malicious talk,

10 and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday.

11 The LORD will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.

Isaiah 58:9-11

I don't know about you, but to me, that sounds like a wonderful promise. Something I'd be willing to do almost anything to get.

In most of Christianity we have to accept a free gift - grace. Something we can NEVER do ANYTHING to earn. It is hard for us to wrap our brains around grace. But this is something we are told to do and that it will have have direct results.

I want the LORD to guide me.


Do you have extra non-perishable food in your pantry? set it out for your postal worker to pick up this Saturday.

It is that simple.


Tuesday, April 13, 2010

birthday wishes for everyday lives

I was just writing a note of encouragement to a friend who is going through a rough time and having a birthday tomorrow.

What I sent her ended up feeling so right that I knew it had to be a blog post. So here is an edited version of it -

Dearest Friend,

Your birthday is tomorrow. You are turning 41 and I’m praying for you to have a marvelous day.

No I’m not being sarcastic.

Why should you have a good day?

  • Your pets love you.
  • I love you.
  • Your family loves you.
  • You will be going to an amazing Beth Moore event in less than two weeks.
  • You just read a wonderful book reminding you that your TRUE SECURITY is in GOD ALONE. Not man, not money, not marriage, not youth, not even loving friends.
  • And GOD LOVES YOU in a very real, and personal way.

Don’t know about you, but I’ve tended to have trouble with the concept that God loves me personally. I always sort of thought he tolerated me, IF I was being good. The wholly incredible truth that I am personally of value to God Most High has always been difficult for me to grasp.

Well recently I was singing to Ginny a very simple little kids song

“God loves me,
God loves me,
in my Bible book it says that
God loves me”
(Romans 8:39)

And, like a lot of little kids songs, you are just supposed to repeat the same chorus over and over and overandoverandoverandover …… till the child falls asleep....or you do!

Well being an adult I decided to try to amuse myself by thinking of other words that could fit in that song. Just to keep myself awake while Ginny drifted off into lala land.

That simple idea turned out to be SUCH a blessing. Somehow these truths had never sunk in when I read them as scriptures, but turning them into simple statements of how God feels about ME….it made all the difference in the world!

God SEES me
He knows my every moment. There is no point in time when I am hidden from God
(Psalm 139: 1-3 and Gen. 16:13)

God KNOWS me
He knows my every motive….and loves me anyway!
(Psalm 139:14)

God WANTS me
This one blows me away. God wants to spend time with me! I am his beloved. And you are too.
(Deuteronomy 7:6)

God HEARS me
There is not some cosmic message machine taking dictation and God will get to me eventually, God HEARS my every word, thought, laugh, wail and groan.
(Psalm 116: 1 & 2)

God MADE me
and not just my physical body. God made my life and yours. And though I have made errors in judgment, NONE OF WHAT GOD PLANNED WAS A MISTAKE. God doesn’t have a “plan B” this IS plan A. and it is the good and perfect will of God that you be strengthened and drawn closer to HIM through this season of your life
(Jeremiah 29:11)

As I lay there making up stanza after stanza for Ginny, I was being ministered to. Tears welled up as my sweet, loving heavenly father soothed my soul while I sang my Ginny to sleep.

Have a wonderful day in the presence of your Heavenly Father, who loves you. as do I.


Wednesday, March 31, 2010

put out the fire and tear down the walls

Recently I realized that there was something missing in my life.

Some walls that I had built, some anger I had harbored for years was gone. Just gone. Crumbled. Vanished. ……..gone.

Had I been working on removing it? Not really. I had prayed a couple of times about it, but I wasn’t thinking about it a lot or praying about it recently.

I just came to the realization this past Sunday that the raging fire of anger was just…gone. I couldn’t even dig up the embers. And believe me I tried. When I first realized the anger was gone it was almost like a friend had moved away. My first thought was how to get the anger back (which makes NO SENSE, I know) It had been something I quite literally cherished. A fire that warmed me. If I stopped being angry, was I admitting that the person had actually done the right thing all along?


Letting go of the anger is not the same thing as agreeing with the event or the actions of the person that I was angry with. Letting go of the anger was just that. Letting go. Nothing more.

What happened? How did it go away without me even noticing?

Frankly, I don’t know.

Perhaps it had something to do with listening endlessly to the same sermon (one of Beth Moore's Sunday school classes called called “Thieves of Joy” ) over and over for the past few months.

Or perhaps it had something to do with the Bible verses I have been concentrating on for all of last year. There are many, but the very first one that has been with me since January of 2009 is

II Chronicles 7:14
“If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and heal their land”

Called by my name – I am a Christian. I have been begging God to help me be a better representative of His Holy Name. This is what Witness means by the way. To represent, to bear witness, to testify. In our case, those who are called Christians are meant to bear witness by our actions and lives to those around us.

Pray and seek His face and turn from their wicked ways – I have been seeking. Filling my mind with His words (memorizing scriptures), filling my ears with music that glorifies Him (making a deliberate choice to keep my CDs to only praise music this year). And keeping my mouth shut. One of the most sinful areas of my life is my mouth. I speak sarcastically and hurtfully in the name of humor far too often. Partially due to illness and partially as a personal choice I have been trying to keep my mouth shut recently. In effect – turning from my besetting sin.

Heal their land – I believe this is what happened. Not literal land, but my spiritual land. My land, the place my heart and mind was dwelling in was filled with fires of hatred and anger. God has honored my seeking by healing this area of my life. This scorching anger that has been consuming me for so long, the wound that would not go away, in part because I could not let go…..God loosened my grip and helped me let it go.

Which brings me to an example that my pastor Richard hunter used in church this Sunday -

Ever noticed that when you hold your fist closed tightly around something for too long it actually hurts to move your fingers in the physical act of opening your hand? Try it. Just make a fist. Make it really tight. Put a lot of effort into it. Hold it for 60 seconds.

Then uncurl your fingers. Relax your hand. It hurts doesn’t it? The word “relax” just doesn’t even seem to apply.

It actually takes effort to perform the physical act of opening the hand.

I think too often we generalize “letting go” as an effortless act of freedom. And the result absolutely is freedom, but the act of releasing our grip on something, someone, or in my case – some emotion can actually be an effort. In my case it was too much for me. I cherished that anger. I wanted it. I was not about to let it go.

But God knew it needed to go. It was standing in the way of joy. And I hadn’t put any limits on God when I prayed from II Chronicles. I just asked for His healing. I didn’t say what needed healing. I wasn’t trying to be clever, I just had no idea what God needed to do in my life.

I’m posting this today, even though it is not Easter related, because this really did just happen this past Sunday. And I wanted to share the joy.

Fill your mind and heart with scripture, any scripture. Don’t put any limits on God, and see what amazing things come of it.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

God said it.......

.. I just wish I had listened better…

One of the things we bought for Ginny for Christmas was a full DVD set of the Cedarmont Kids albums. For any of you who are unfamiliar with this group, give yourself a treat, go get them.

These DVDs are packed with loads of songs that Ginny loves to dance to and “sing” along with. She is getting active play and being indoctrinated at the same time. All the videos are subtitled with the lyrics so she will eventually be getting reading skills too. And it’s not just classic stuff that I remember from my childhood. You know the ones..

“I am a C. I am a CH. I am a CHRISTIAN” and “This little light of mine” and “Climb, climb up sunshine mountain” and “Do Lord, oh Do Lord, Do remember me” and “Jesus loves me”

Those are all in there, but included are some songs that I had never heard before. Songs that might have made a difference in my life if I had ever heard them AND managed to believe them. Like this one, called “Every promise in the book is mine”

Every promise in the Book is mine!
Every chapter, every verse, every line.
I am standing on His Word divine,
Every promise in the Book is mine!

Pretty straightforward, eh?

I love this song. I mean I sang about being a “son of Abraham” but I never really grasped that that meant that through Christ’s sacrifice and the fulfillment of that covenant, I personally partake of EVERY promise in the Bible.

And it is such a wonderful tune that I find myself singing it all day long. Which is very good for me. The soundtrack that runs in your head all day needs to be an affirming one.

Yes, the soundtrack in your head.

Don’t even try to tell me that you don’t have one. It is there. You may only consciously hear it when all else is quiet, but you do have one. Mine tends to be very repetitive. I get stuck in a groove all day. Sort of like how you feel after coming out the “small world” ride at Disney. That stupid song stays stuck in your head for HOURS. If conversation around you lags or you have a moment of quiet…it floats back up to the forefront of your brain and you find yourself humming along…..it’s a small world after all….its a small world after all…AARRRGGH ! That’s what I mean when I say the soundtrack in your head. So it behooves me to fill my mind and heart with good songs. Songs that point me to God. Otherwise I can spend all day (inadvertently) contemplating utter drivel. And who wants that?

Or this one …

Wide, wide as the ocean, high as the Heaven above;
Deep, deep as the deepest sea is my Savior’s love.
I, though so unworthy, still am a child of His care;
For His Word teaches me that His love reaches me everywhere.

I sang “Deep and Wide” enthusiastically as a child, but here again this song (which has a haunting melody by the way) addresses some of my deepest concerns. My feelings of insecurity and shakey self worth are directly addressed by these lyrics.

And then there is this one. This is priceless. And what it is doing in my heart as an adult is absolutely staggering.

God said it, I believe it
That’s all that faith demands
Though heav’n and earth shall pass away
His word will stand.

I have to wonder, did it take hearing these lyrics as an adult for them to sink in? Would I have never really understood the lyrics if had known them as a child? It occurs to me that one of my favorite Sunday school songs as a kid has some pretty good depth to it…….

Like a tree
Like a tree
I’m like a green olive tree
in the house
in the house
of the LORD, hallelujah
I will trust
in the mercy of God
forever I will trust
in the mercy of God

This song is engraved in my mind. And yet, I didn’t trust in God’s mercy. It never reached my heart, my blood stream. It never became part of me.

I’ve sung this song around many a campfire and yet I’ve spent decades of my life either trying to personally make up for my sins (which isn’t possible) or feeling completely unforgivable and therefore licensed to sink into depravity. Also a bad choice, by the way.

It is only in the last few years that I am starting to come to grips with the truth that God really does love me. Personally. And that I really am forgiven. Really. Yes, even for that. and yup, that one too. And oh yes, THAT one. (no, I'm not going to enumerate my sins for the world to view. They are between me and Christ. He washed them away and no longer remembers them)

Maybe that’s why these songs are having deep meanings for me now.

Now, they are real.

I, though so unworthy, still I’m a child of his care, for His word teaches me that His love reaches me EVERYWHERE.

Blessed reality.


Tuesday, February 9, 2010


lately I find myself repeating myself.


"I love you Ginny. Mommy loves you."

"Ginny, don't touch that honey. Ginny. No. Don't touch that.....Ginny!"

"Come here Ginny. that's right, come here. Ginny. Over here."

At times I wonder if she evens hears me. I think most mothers of toddlers feel this way. The complusion to go have your child's hearing checked is almost too strong to bear.

Then I got in the car this morning.

And thought about the 58 minutes long sermon that I have been listening to over and over and over again for the past week. And how there are still parts of it that I NEED to hear again in order to really process them. To internalize them. To press them into my heart.

And it occurred to me to wonder....does God ever sigh and wonder if I can even hear Him?

"Deirdre, I love you. You are my beloved child. Being filled with My Joy is not an option, it is your right as my child. Did I mention that I love you? Deirdre, God loves you."

Did you know that was hard to type? Some how it is easy for me to say

"God loves me" but actually typing it with my name as part of the sentence (as if it is being said by God to me personally) was more difficult.

Anyway, I plan to revel in repetition this year.

!!!??? what??? you ask. Why would I want to do that? Well, as many of you know I participated in a scripture memory team last year where we memorized one new scripture every two weeks. I know all 24 of mine, but most of them haven't had a chance to sink in yet. I need more time with them. I need to pick out a few and just dwell in them. Study them. Actually pull out a concordance and look up some word origins.

I don't think it does me any good to have a bunch of scriptures banging around in my head if they never make it to my heart.

So this year is going to be about repetition. Going over and over and over these words from God to me till I really live in them. Comfortably. Securely. They need to be so much a part of me that no enemy, no demon of insecurity can rip them out of my grasp. These verses, concepts and truths needs to flow in my veins.

And that can only be achieved, for me anyway, by going over them again and again.

Sometimes spiritually, I think I'm still a toddler..... who is hard of hearing.


Thursday, January 14, 2010

my child is hurting

"my child is hungry"
"my child just lost their parents"
"my child just lost her home"
"please help"


these are the words I imagine you might read from a parent in Haiti right now.

If they blogged.

but they don't so I'm gonna say it for them.

please give.

I don't care what organization you give through, but please give.
I chose to use Compassion International because I am already familiar with them, but whoever you choose to give through, do it today.

There are approximately 40 people who read this blog regularly. If each of them gives at least $10.....well $400 can buy a lot of clean water and aid for these people.


and if I haven't convinced you, read the words from our Lord -

Matthew 25: 37-45

37"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'

40"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

41"Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.'

44"They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?'

45"He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'


Wednesday, January 13, 2010

have my baby....please?

Can you possibly imagine that line as the start of a deep, meaningful friendship?

Well, I can.

Cause I once asked that very question of someone. They turned me down and then proceeded to become a major part of my life.

What on earth am I talking about you ask? (or maybe you've already stopped reading 'cause I've offended you...)

Well back a few years ago when I was still reeling from our failed IVF tries one of the options the doctor mentioned was to have a surrogate mother carry a baby for us. We could either use our own ...um....material, or just my husband and the surrogate. That last option completely turned me off, but the idea of having someone carry our child for us was not completely repugnant, so we agreed to think about it. But then the doctors started telling me all the stuff we would need to look into to find a surrogate. DNA testing for the surrogate and descriptions and interviews...it was all so cold and clinical. We were turned off by the whole process, so we put the notion on the shelf and got on with the process of healing our sore hearts.

Another friend who had been going through infertility issues herself pointed me to a wonderful blog post by a person named Missy. It was all about how God never puts us in a place or situation without there being a reason, a meaning in it.

After reading that first post I kept reading. and reading. and reading. I really liked this lady. I liked her style and I envied her the ability to have four kids. Her fertility and my infertility were in stark contrast to each other, and the thought crossed my mind...I wonder if she would be willing to be a surrogate for us?

I took my courage in both hands, and emailed her.

She very compassionately said, no. And for a very good reason - Missy had had a rough delivery with her last baby and she was scared to try again. Which is perfectly understandable.

Now this COULD have been a humiliating moment for me, but Missy made it into the beginning of a sweet relationship. And no matter how depressed I got, or how frustrated with God's timing, she kept pointing me back to God and reminding me that He is GOOD and He had not forgotten me.

Eventually, after a lot of healing and soul searching, we chose to adopt domestically and we could not possibly have been more blessed than we are to have Ginny. Her birth parents are a wonderful part of our family life and they know how much we love them. I honestly would not trade Ginny for any child of my own body.

But beyond helping me with my emotional healing, Missy did something far greater for me - she pointed out a prejudice that I was holding on to unjustly and opened my eyes to the amazing ministry of a lovely lady in Houston named Beth Moore.

Since then it's been three years of non-stop blessing. Accountability, Bible studies, discussions, scripture memory teams, and now I'm EIGHT DAYS away from FINALLY meeting MISSY.

so Missy, thank you for NOT having my babies.